I’m taking a break from retracing previously journaled writing to share something that poured out of me while watching a lacrosse game last night.
The time has really come to go. I can feel the shift in the air, in me. Walking around campus brings back so many memories and simultaneously feels like a time machine has escorted me back to try again.
I love watching them play. Being at Franklin Field with all these people cheering. Seeing the stairs I hated to run. The windows of the locker room where I first felt I’d made it to some special place. The field is different. The uniforms are too. There definitely weren’t as many Ivy Championship banners when I once stepped on this turf. In fact, I’m fairly certain there weren’t any. How far the team has come. How far I have.
But this is not my team now. I will always love the red & the blue, but I have a new mission. I need to leave this city. Need to make my own way without regretting the past or wondering what could have been. Did I waste my four years? At the time it didn’t seem that way, but now the feeling within me is entirely unsettled. Could I have met someone else? Gotten more involved with the team, the sorority, anything? As I come back to something prior, what did I really accomplish here?
And that’s a horrible way to view four years. I’ve changed, my life has changed, and Penn is part of that. I wouldn’t be me without it. But I need to have some distance. Need to find myself again and rediscover the memories that are just mine. Maybe Georgia will help that happen. Maybe it won’t come until I’m secure in my new life. Being here makes me smile, but it makes my heart ache too. My soul is waiting for the next chapter and it’s time to turn the page.
P.S. After a great game, and a one goal win in OT, I couldn’t help but beam. I will always feel at home on this campus and always feel pride for these teams. Not to mention, I got to see an amazing trajectory of building something that reflects all your hard work. Just because the journey isn’t easy doesn’t mean success isn’t possible.